FML: A LoTR Story
by Kumiko Yoshikuni
Summary: Synopsis: Today, my friend made me go to a LoTR convention with her. Due to some weird cosmic accident, I end up being sent to Middle Earth. FML. ::Drama::  With a good dose of Humor thrown in for good measure...  WIP.


**FML: A LoTR Story**

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><p><strong>Synopsis: <strong>Today, my friend made me go to a LoTR convention with her. Due to some weird cosmic accident, I end up being sent to Middle Earth. FML. **::Drama:: **(With a good dose of **Humor** thrown in for good measure...)

**Rated M: **for Monsters, coarse language, unladylike behavior, pathetic attempts at being heroic, awkward sexual situations, blatant innuendo, deplorable lack of manners, dangerous situations, sick obssessions with shiny objects and poorly hidden contempt for all things magical (including model worthy blonde elves)...

**You have been warned.**

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><p><strong>:Prologue:<strong>

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><p>FML.<p>

Why me? _Why?_

I don't believe in fairytales. I don't believe in magic, and if you started talking to me about dwarves, elves and dragons, I'd direct you to the nearest store so you can purchase _World of Warcraft _and leave me alone.

Seriously.

Of all the random events could befall a person such as myself, this had to be the absolute worse. You don't believe me?

Let me start from the... well, the start.

Ahem.

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><p>"... <em>c'mon, <em>Kumi! Let's go!" I could hear my friend Jenna demand from the other side of the dressing curtain. I glared at my reflection, as if the heat from my stare would make it dissolve forever.

Why was I doing this again?

I pulled the curtain back and stared at my beaming friend.

"I hate you," I told her matter-of-factly, stepping out into the main room. Jenna waved her hand dismissfully, obviously not taking my words to heart.

"You're Buddhist; you don't hate _anything,_" she reminded me patiently, half occupied with glancing over my appearance. With a sigh, I folded my arms across my chest.

"Maybe... but I'm thinking of forsaking the Buddhist teachings- all of them." I told her, in an attempt to back up my earlier statement. Jenna looked at me knowingly.

"Oh? So I suppose... you'll go with me after we leave here and eat a juicy hamburger for once in your entire life?" she teased. My face crumpled with disguist and I shook my head vehemently. The thought of putting animal flesh in my mouth never failed to make me slightly nautious.

"Maybe I will stick to my beliefs..." I said weakly. Jenna gave me a smug grin.

"You look great by the way," she said, turning our conversation back to the reason we were here in the first place.

To the reason I was wearing this God-awful costume.

"Jennaaaa..." I moaned, glancing around to see if any passersby were looking my way. Which, now that I think about it, wouldn't matter as they too were dressed in costumes just as outrageous as mine. "Do I have to dress up like an elf?"

Jenna laughed.

"Would you rather be a dwarf? Or maybe even an Orc?"

It was a testament to how many times Jenna made me watch the _Lord of the Rings _movies that I actually _knew _what an Orc even was.

I pouted.

"No... it's just..." I tried to think of an excuse as to why I shouldn't wear an elf costume to this convention, while simultaneously rubbing the wax elf tips that Jenna had helped put on my ears earlier. The tips had been pressed on and dried; it would take her help and warm water to get them off.

I shook my head.

"Whoever heard of an Asian elf?" I asked her in total desperation. Jenna snorted.

"You're _half-_Asian," she pointed out. It was true; I even had almond-shaped eyes and black hair inherited from my Japanese mother, but I had my father's hazel eyes, his freckles and my hair was ridiculously curly, just like his.

"It makes you look exotic," she assured me with a nod. I glanced at Jenna's outfit, noticing that while it was still non-modern, it looked better than mine.

"What are you going as?" I asked her. Jenna rolled her eyes.

"I'm going as a Human Ranger- for the millionth time," the teasing in her voice let me know she wasn't really mad. Jenna was hardly ever mad- even less so with me. And while I could be quite difficult to deal with at times, she and I complimented each other well. We were best friends; we were like sisters. I'd do anything for her.

Even swallow my dignity and go to this nerdy convention, simply because it made her happy.

"Don't worry so much, Kumi," Jenna said, using my nickname. "Relax- it'll be so much fun. What could possibly go wrong?"

.

.

.

_((Hours Later))_

With a groan, I opened my eyes... only to see a wide expansion of blue sky, and the scraggly face of a man who looked like he was allergic to soap and water staring straight ahead. His cheeks and jaw was covered in a scruffy looking beard, and his hair (kind of long for a man) was dark brown, almost black. I was so out of it, it took me a moment to also know that I felt slightly weightless, even though a pair of strong arms were holding me around my back and under my legs.

Bridal style.

I was being carried. By this strange Wild Barbarian Man, apparently. (To make it simpler for you; WBM.)

Hearing my groan, WBM looked down at me, his misty gray eyes alit with suspicion and just a tad bit of concern for my wellbeing.

How quaint.

"Are you alright?" he asked me, his voice a deep baritone. I swear; I could feel the vibration of his voice through his chest, which was pressed up against my shoulder due to the way I was being carried.

I blurted the first thing that came to my mind.

"I don't think I'm in Kansas anymore."

WBM came to an abrupt halt, staring down at me with an almost incredulous look.

"I beg your pardon?" he asked me, disbelieving.

I blushed. _Great, Kumiko. _I thought. _Amaze him with your ability to make absolutely no sense._

"I mean... uh, who are you?"

"I believe I should be asking you that, young lady." WBM replied, and I resisted the urge to snort. Lady? Me?

Not in this life _or _the next.

"Um, well, my name's Kumiko. But everyone calls me Kumi." I answered him truthfully. After a moment, I added, "And I remember how to walk, so feel free to put me down whenever the inspiration hits you."

I gave him The Smile for good measure and without warning he dropped me, abruptly, like a bad habit. Not expecting it (though I should have) I ended up falling heavily onto my ass. Fortunately, the ground was heavily padded with thick grass and dirt, so the only thing wounded was my already startling low level of dignity.

Quickly I got back to my feet and wiped hastily at my (still) outrageous _LoTR _convention costume. After a moment of silence, I looked up to see (to my surprise) that WBM was looking at me with an intense look, instead of walking away and leaving me on my own liek I expected. His intense stare made him look like he was trying to read my mind or something.

What a weirdo.

"Um... and you are? Sir?" I asked slowly, my mind swirling with a million-and-one thoughts simultaneously. One of those thoughts dealt with how _familiar _he looked, though I could swear I had never met him before.

_Where have I seen him before? _The thought nagged me insistantly.

And then I heard more voices behind me, and I turned to see three... Small People (I learned the hard way they don't like being called midgets) peering at me curiously. My spidey senses tingled until it tickled.

I _had _to know these people from somewhere... they looked so familiar!

I turned back to WBM and stared hard at him, wrinkling my nose in frustration. He looked at me warily, and I quickly remembered that when I had a concentrated look on my face it was often confused with the look of constipation.

I quickly schooled my features, before my eyes widened of their own accord.

Snapping my fingers, I cried out in jubilation.

"You're Aragorn! I _knew _you looked familiar!"

I was so excited I knew something, that it took me a moment to register what I just said. And what I said actually _meant._

Eyes widening again, I looked at him aghast.

"Y-you're _Aragorn." _My voice was now little more than a whisper, and I could see the shock and suspicion clouding WBM's- er, Aragorn's -face. Then I winced as the realization hit me.

If he was here with the Small Peo- _Hobbits, _and there were only three, then Frodo must have been taken to Rivendell already ahead of them.

Wow. I guess the movies really _did _stick with me. Better than the books, which I had read only once and had vague memory of. Regardless, all of this could mean only one thing.

I was in freaking _Middle Earth. _And... as of this moment, Aragorn was under the psuedo-name of Stryder. Or had been. If I remember correctly, his true name wasn't mentioned until that Council meeting later in the Elven lands.

Damn. Keeping my facts straight was going to be Serious Business. I had to work on keeping my mouth shut so as not to expose myself. If I tried telling anyone the truth, I'd probably be locked up far away for insanity or something. For now, the truth was the very_ last_ thing I was going to let known.

If ever. I didn't plan on staying long to try and explain myself anyway.

Aragorn's voice brought me out of my fleeting daydream.

Too bad it was not going to be the last time.

"How do you know me?" Aragorn demanded, his body tensing as if ready for a fight. I gulped and quickly held my hands up in a sign of surrender.

Did men beat women here in Middle Earth?

Seeing how dangerous he was, his gray eyes alit with some inner fire, I decided it best not to find out.

"Oh.. uh. Heh." I laughed weakly, my eyes darting to the Hobbits, and then back to Aragorn. I may be paranoid, but I wondered if drops of sweat were forming on my forehead. "D-did I say Aragorn? You _obviously _can't be him. I must be mistaken. Just pretend I said nothing."

It also goes without saying that I can't lie for shit.

Aragorn opened his mouth to say something else, but I just turned right around and tried the tactic of walking away _very _fast. One of my many mottos is: _when in doubt... run far away_.

Unfortunately, I could not move fast enough before I felt a heavy, warm hand decending upon my shoulder. I turned, arm swinging wildy... only to hit air as Aragorn easily dodged my pathetic attempt at self-defense.

"Please, Lady Kumi, do not-" I could hear Aragorn's voice suddenly from far off. There was a louder sound; a rushing, like a large river in my ears frowing out everything else.

I had a moment to blink and think to myself: _this is strange, _before my vision grayed out and I knew nothing else.

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><p><strong>So? Got to the end? What do you think? This is how I think I would be if I actually got transported to Middle Earth, as well as a bit of my muse wanting to be silly and demented.<strong>

**This story has no overall purpose other than to entertain and feed my muse's need to put myself in awkward situations. Let me know what you think.**

**NOTE: I'm thinking of making most of my chapters this length to keep things short, sweet and simple. hope you don't mind! And in the next chapter, it will explain in detail what actually _happened _at the covention that caused me to be sent to ME.**

**All I can say is that I hope I make a positive mark on Middle Earth... *snort***

**As if.**

**Ciao.**


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